I hate my body. No, wait… let me re-phrase that for you, Shelley: “I am unhappy with the current state my body is in”. And it’s my own damn fault.
I know I’m pretty lucky; I’ve never weighted more than 150lbs, never broke a bone, never had surgery, and I am healthy. I’m just weak, and somehow surprised that I feel like garbage when all I eat is garbage.
See, I was a lazy kid. Like, really lazy. Like, people laughed at me when I told them I joined the track team in Grade 7 because they didn’t believe me. I also joined the floor hockey team that year (because of a boy) and got cut from the baseball team. That was the only time I ever had any interest in joining a sport, until university when the fraternities/sororities on campus started a beer-beach volleyball league. I couldn’t even serve the ball over the net for most of that first summer. Add in the mandatory Grade 9 gym class and you are looking at the entirety of my organized-sport participation. I did go weight-lifting with my sister a handful of times in high school, went to the campus gym about a dozen times over my 5+ years there, used my mom’s treadmill and dad’s elliptical about a dozen times each, and still attempt to get back into running for about 3-4 weeks each spring, but that’s about the extent of that. Joining a gym back in September was a big jump for me. It’s no wonder I feel so lost in that place.
Then we have my eating habits. I was a pretty picker eater as a kid, but no one really noticed because my little sister was worse. I don’t really like food, or to eat, because of this I get into the habit of eating the same thing over and over again. (My university friends will attest to this with my obsession with Subway.) Living on my own now presents its own cooking challenges that I often use as an excuse not to cook at all. Getting a car has made it worse. Having a boyf makes it much more noticeable, especially when he cooks for me. (“Do you like ______?” “I don’t know, I’ve never had it before.”)
Recently, I started seeing a naturalpath. I tried one last year, but she was not for me. The one I’m seeing now, Melissa, “gets me” so much more, as she’s about my age, lives alone, and also works more than one job, too. I also recently got a new family doctor, and started seeing a massage therapist, so within the last 2 weeks, I had to go over my medical past and health concerns with three different people. It really brought all these lingering, minor by annoying, issues of mine to life. And guess what? Most of them are things that I sort of brought on myself. Awesome. My massage therapist even found things that I didn’t know where issues. Did you know that you are supposed to have a natural arch in your neck? Apparently I don’t.
On the plus side, that means these are all things I can improve, if not fix. But man, old habits die hard. Despite the fact I have a fridge full of good, healthier, quick foods, I’m sitting here thinking about grabbing a turkey-bacon-caeser sub from Mr. Sub, baked ketchup chips, and a white hot chocolate from Timmies. When I do go to the gym, I’m hesitant to venture away from the cardio machines, even though I know I should be doing some strength training as well. I’ve re-inflated my exercise ball, but I haven’t used it (my excuse being the current state of my apartment thanks to the mice-infestation mentioned in my last post). I always have an excuse.
The thing I like about Melissa (naturapath) is that she gets it. The first women I went to see essentially told me to go home, throw out all my food, stop eating all the things I eat, and take these 12 supplements a day. I think I lasted about 10 minutes. With Melissa, the changes she’s suggested are easy – drink lemon water, add more veggies to my diet, and take a teaspoon of fish oil each day. That’s it. She’s provided me with more information, and gave me a list of suggested foods (more smoothies!) too, but she realizes it’s all about the baby steps, and that I’m only go to do the things that I want to do.